Can I take ME out of this equation?

April 2, 2013

My last few blogs about my youngest have been more optimistic. I mentioned the joys of reaching that 3 month milestone without fear of returning to my job, I mentioned that we are seeing more smiles and overall (knock on wood) I am experiencing at least a couple nights a week of more than less sleep. Then, like most things in life, I was thrown a wrench when it came to Noah’s growth.

I finally came to terms with the fact that I needed to try adding in some formula. And since I have embraced that, my baby has overnight turned into an absolute delight. His mood is so much better, his smiles are so much more frequent and I’m a much happier camper. I am excited and anxious for our next trip to the doctor. For the first time in my life, I’m jonesing for a weigh in 🙂

So much of my worry for my children, hard headed feelings about formula, come from a bad place. A place where I put too much emphasis on this perfect mom I want to be and the fear of the imperfect mom I am. And who I am or am not should never get in the way of my children’s progress (or lack thereof) but it inevitably will. This one was easier because it was more concrete.

Drew is a tough kid that no matter how much he grows and matures will always (in my best estimate) be a more challenging child. I worry that because I am the imperfect mom that I am, I will only make it worse instead of working to handle things in a more textbook fashion to bring out all the things that make him the best version of himself.

How do you make these things not about you, as the mother, when you are the central driving force in managing these choices and issues? How do you take your own personal issues out of being the best person for your kids?

I feel so sad that Noah is happier and better with formula. I’m glad he is but why did I hold him back from being supplemented if he was trying to tell me he needed that in every way he knew how? And what happens as those needs and wants become bigger and I still turn a deaf ear on them?

2 thoughts on “Can I take ME out of this equation?

  1. Heli – do not beat yourself up about this. I was in the same place with Colin except I waited until we has FIVE + months old. Fussy and cranky for five months before I bit the bullet and supplemented (and eventually weaned soon thereafter). He won’t remember a thing and will grow and thrive with formula. Xoxo

    • My “comments” section wasn’t working so I couldn’t respond. Thanks for commenting! I think the hardest thing for me about supplementing is that I was afraid it would be the beginning to the end. However, so far I’m managing it so we’ll see!

« « The Voyage

The Value of a Dollar » »

© Mommys Two Cents