3 Months

March 7, 2013

Thirteen days until I can take Noah to the gym with me. I have been so focused on that marker, a point which will alleviate some of the chaos of my life. Instead of dropping Drew off at school, Noah at my parents’ and Gabby at the gym kids club, we’ll be streamlined to two steps. Phew.

The last week, I hope I’m not jinxing myself, there have been more smiles than tears (although the tears are in fact running freely at this point and I’m not talking about mine). Is it possible that we are finally making are way through the world of colic?! And although I am still severely under-slept, we seem to be getting into a rhythm with nights and days.

Like a bolt of lightening…duh to duh, I realized this all boiled down to the fact that Noah will be reaching the three month mark. Well, yeah, he can’t go to the gym until he’s three months. It’s common babies get past colic around three months. Someone would think this was my first go around with a baby or something.

The three month milestone used to mean something so different with the other two. It meant that I had to go back to work. The count down was until I had to hand off my babies to caregivers when I was completely unprepared to do so. Now I’m counting down until I can do exactly that. The difference now being that I am getting an hour-ish of freedom in a life full of kids and not the other way around.

It’s funny how in such a short time (I will only be a SAHM for two years July 1), my life has evolved. I remember so clearly feeling like my babies were just starting to be fun when it was time to resume my work life. And now I get to go along for the day in and day out trials and tribulations of caring for my baby. This is something in some ways all new to me.

And as I celebrate what three months is meaning in the evolution of my stay at home life, I can’t help but feel a little sad thinking back. I feel sad that I had to pass off Drew and Gabby at this tender point and these days I will never get back. I feel sad that I will never appreciate these days with Noah the way I may have with Drew and Gabby because I’m so overwhelmed with my life and my other children.

I’m going to try to refocus my feelings. Instead of celebrating that I can drop Noah off at the gym daycare in thirteen days, I’m going to try and appreciate that in thirteen days nothing else in our lives will change. For better or worse, Noah is stuck with me. And I’m so grateful for that.

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