Ray of Sunshine

Life is different. It’s gonna be different forever. Yet this phase that we are at, this floundering, disastrous state is (I hope) temporary. I totally get that. Yet sometimes there’s a ray of sunshine in the midst of it that almost makes me ready to go back into the battle field.

It used to be a night out on the town was just the recipe to bring me back to a blissful state. Saturday nights full of excitement were a release to a week full of ups and downs. With each kid, Saturday party nights became fewer than with the previous kid. This Saturday night seemed like an all time low when we were all in bed by 8:15. In some ways a good night sleep is exactly what I need to tackle the upcoming week (even if I don’t really get that). But this time it just seemed depressing.

Then I realized that yet again my life is being redefined. So the next day was full one. We started out with brunch at a friends’ where the kids played so nicely. Then I was able to go for a run all by my lonesome. Due to the fact that Adam was home, I was able to take a leasurily shower and take my time getting ready. My hair was properly combed, my makeup was put on smoothly and I was ready for my big night out. I met a few girls for dinner. I brought my baby that at home is normally in an extremely unhappy state from 6-7pm on. This night in particular he slept through the dinner and gave me a million smiles and coos when I came home.

As I was reflecting on what a great day I had, I came to the conclusion that my Saturday night release just turned into a content Sunday with my husband helping to alleviate the load.

Back in the day we went out on the town at 11pm on a Saturday night. Back in the day we raged until 3am. I knew it wouldn’t last forever. After all, I saw what my parents’ life had become and knew this was a stage. A passing stage. It was fun though and at the time it’s hard to imagine how your life will ultimately transform. There is absolutely no room in my life now for a night like that, unless I’m talking about Noah waking up at 12:45am and then again at 3am like he did last night. At some point I look forward to the chance to lead a life that’s a tad more exciting than going to bed at 8:15 on a Saturday night. But for now, I’ll take my wonderful Sunday.

I have happily accepted that my life will never be as I knew it, but I am working to find a place where I appreciate all the glamour (and not be upset by lack thereof) with this life. And at times, it’s hairy. But there are also times where there’s a ray of sunshine – even if that ray is a run in the cold, foggy rain.