For awhile, Noah’s sole existence was to eat, sleep and scream. I wouldn’t exactly say that we are out of those stages but we have added smiling into the mix. It, unfortunately, doesn’t take up enough of the day quite yet. But it’s there! And it couldn’t come sooner, as far as I’m concerned.
Between lack of sleep, constant screams and being overloaded with the other two. We hadn’t exactly gotten into the love affair stage of our relationship. And for those of you judgy people who think I’m a horrible person, you have never had a baby who has horrible colic and hasn’t slept in eleven weeks. So until you walk in my Uggs…back off.
Recently, it has happened. I have fallen. It’s not that I didn’t love him before. It’s just that I didn’t feel that silly, butterflies feelings for the last six weeks because I was so exhausted without being given much back. And then one night I bathed him and he started the smiles. He had given be a couple starting at eight weeks but now it was full on coo-ing, smiling and a little slight giggle. It was music to my ears!!!
Suddenly his screams don’t seem (quite) as bad. Suddenly his poops up the back are just part of the job. Suddenly his night time awakenings are a few extra minutes together. Something inside me switched. Don’t get me wrong, I was climbing the walls last night while he screamed bloody murder while I was making Drew’s lunch, so it’s not all sunshine and butterflies.
All of a sudden, though, instead of intellectually telling myself that this is my last baby, I started to feel what that meant. When I’m forced to stop and pick him up because he’s sad, I’m remembering how my older kids rarely want to cuddle anymore. When I have to stop everything and nurse him, I’m realizing that this is the last child I will give nourishment to.
I expect in the weeks to come that there will be more instances where he comes into his own. I expect in the weeks to come he will sleep more, smile more and have more personality. And as that progresses, I’m going to try to enjoy each stage (for better or worse). Before I know it he will lose all that snuggly business and be an independent, crazy kid like his older siblings. G-d willing.