September 16, 2013

Over the weekend, our original foursome had an outing. Besides the fact that traveling without a baby is traveling so much lighter, it was special in a way I had forgotten.

There is absolutely no way I don’t want this baby in my family. He is the guy that makes my heart feel complete. He is the smile that wakes me up in the morning even when I’m crabby over the early hour. He is the snuggle after a long day of dealing with too much five and three year old personality. He keeps my hip warm and my heart full.

That all being said, the four of us have a dynamic that I forgot. Either evenly divided girls and boys or a double date. It works. It had been so long that we’ve done something like that and I forgot what a nice rhythm we had.

Gabby, unfortunately, is the one who really ends up getting the short end of the stick. Drew always finds a way (opportunities arise for him as the first born, activities or parties for him because he is older, or just a more demanding personality) to get his one-on-one attention. But Gabby was always my main squeeze and now she is forced to share my attention.

And maybe that’s why she so obviously wants to smother him. Or maybe that’s why she has become my hardest behavioral challenge these days. But anyway you slice it, she seems to be the one who has struggled the most with our larger family.

I am committed to the fact that having siblings will benefit them in the long run. Having a day of connecting with Gabby on a one-on-one basis made me really struggle with how she must feel in our normal daily lives. And as much as I may struggle with who really gets the best of me, I wonder which one of them is going to be less of them because they didn’t get more of me? She is so special and wonderful, I hate to think she is becoming less wonderful because her mom makes her feel less special.

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