Now

Today I drove past the place I first met Adam. If I focus my brain hard enough, I can almost remember that hot, stuffy hallway.

That day when those two kids first met was so long ago. I had no idea who I was, let alone where I was going. G-d willing, Adam and I have a long journey ahead and we are still in the beginning stages of it all (fourteen years into it and all).

I then proceeded to drive to the town we used to live in. I drove past our first home where we brought three of our five babies home to (no, I didn’t have two extra babies when you weren’t reading, I was including our pets). I couldn’t help but feeling like I was taking a trip down memory lane.

I have spent my life on a fast trajectory, always anxious for the next step. When I was eighteen meeting “the guy” (unbeknownst to me at the time), I was so anxious to meet “the guy” that I lost sight of the joys of hanging with girlfriends and meeting all the wrong guys. When we lived in our old house, I was so anxious to move into a bigger house, I forgot to enjoy someone else mowing your lawn.

As I’m wrist deep in poop, drowning in attitude and suffocating with schedules, I NEED to remember what an amazing time in my life this is in it’s own right. There is no stage of my life that will be better than bobbing around in my minivan from kindergarten to gymnastics. I refuse to waste a moment of Noah’s annoying desire to wiggle around on every dirty floor, by wishing he could walk already. I will not pray for Gabby to age out of temper tantrums due to sleep deprivation because that would mean she was no longer a toddler. I promise to not be annoyed that kindergarten is only three hours because I’d have to go a long day without seeing his face otherwise.

I am committing myself to loving and living in the now, even if this is the craziest time of my life.