Noise

Growing up, my house was quiet. I used to put on music, the tv and talk on the phone just to feel like there was action going on. It’s not that I couldn’t stand the quiet, I just craved noise. I would go over to friends’ houses that had siblings, people coming and going and be jealous.

Be careful of what you wish for. The home I have created for myself is LOUD. The person who had to have the television on in the background for white noise, is long gone. In the five seconds I am awake before the house comes alive, I sit back and marvel in the silence. I close my eyes and try to soak it in.

Then it starts. The baby starts crying, Drew comes running in eager to check the sports scores and Gabby starts screaming for someone to come get her (and yes she has a big girl bed that she “believes” she needs an adult to get her out of despite getting in and out during naptime). My moment of silence has passed and I have to wait an entire twenty-four hours to regain it.

The thing is that this is exactly how I dreamed it to be. Maybe there were less temper tantrums involved in this dream. And there were definitely less potty training accidents in that dream. Now that I mention it, there were definitely not as many sleepless nights in my dream. Regardless, I couldn’t have painted a better picture in my mind for the life I wanted to lead.

Yet there are still days in those five seconds of silent, that I’d like to take a vacation back to the land before chaos. There are still days that I want a trip to the grocery store to be just that – a trip to the grocery store. No juggling involved. In saying that, and blogging my challenges all the time, I feel that I don’t give enough attention to the fact that I have always, and would always, crave this life. And I got it! (Kenahora knock on wood, I know I’m crazy and superstitious)

There’s no denying that I am tired a lot of days. I’m frustrated most days. I’m angry some days. But I’m happy everyday.