This morning we were headed for catastrophe. It was almost as if we were walking down the center of a highway with a giant truck coming directly at us. Even as the truck got closer, I was immobilized to move out of his way and I couldn’t get to the sidewalk.
Today was the first of Gabby and my Tot Shabbat class (a.k.a Mommy and Me at Drew’s school). This was the first day in ages where I had to get myself and the kids simultaneously ready for an early time. It was no surprise when I was running late and had to wake Drew up rather abruptly. -1 for mom already.
Drew started out our lovely rainy Friday morning crabby and unable to get out of bed. As the minutes kept ticking, I became more and more agitated at the thought that we were going to be late for school and our first Tot Shabbat. In efforts to speed us up, I started dressing Drew like a baby all over again. As I would put one article of clothing on, he would take it off. This, of course, added to my agitation. This episode became escalated to me yelling, Drew crying and nothing getting accomplished.
In swoops Super Dad (cape and everything)!!! He starts out by asking Drew if he’s going to go to school naked. Goofing around about how Drew’s friends are going to think it’s very silly when he’s not wearing any clothes but it sure would make going to the bathroom easier. Before I know it, Drew is laughing and getting dressed. Phew!
After we flew out of the house, I called Adam and thanked him so much for helping expedite the process. I started commenting on how he has such a special knack for handling those “Mom’s going insane, Drew’s driving her nuts” situations. And Adam, being ever so delicate explained that it was all about his approach…um duh!!!!
So why is it that Adam is able to maintain a fun dad, relaxed approach when tending to Drew’s behavioral challenges? While mom (definitely hold the “super” here) becomes an agitated, screaming mess? There are many things that can attribute to our different parenting styles but the largest and one that I will never be able to overcome is that we have totally different personalities. Adam is laid back and relaxed about almost everything. And well I’m…not.
The most challenging thing in managing Drew is that I need to keep my emotions out of it. There have definitely been times, like Did I actually conquer a tantrum, where I’m better at mastering this than others. But the truth of the matter is that there aren’t many things more emotional than your children, how is it possible to actually keep the emotions out of it?!?!
Surely there are worst things in the world than being late for school and Tot Shabbat. Clearly the world will still go on if I stay calm and give Drew an extra few minutes to gather himself in the morning. Yet in the heat of the moment, both of these things seem impossible. So who is to blame for Drew’s behavioral problems? The little boy who doesn’t know any better or the wound up mom who can’t control her emotions?
I'm a mother, wife, daughter, and friend. Until recently I was also an employee. Now that I'm a full time mom, I've decided to make my thoughts, concerns and feelings public.
