I know the day will come in the not too distant future when I am cooped up inside the house with sick kids and haven’t seen daylight in way too long and I will yearn for the chance to be back amongst the working folk. But today I’m too wrapped up in the thrill I have for being a stay at home mom.
The last couple of days (Friday and Monday) I have spent at our local library. I have been that lady walking around with a smile on her face and a tear in her eye watching her child progress right in front of her face. Maybe it’s the fact that Drew is back in school and we are back on a schedule. Maybe it’s also the fact that summer has come back these last few days. Either way I find myself walking on cloud nine.
There’s definitely moments where Drew is driving me up the wall with his defiance and there’s no explainable reason why Gabby has to either throw every piece of food on the floor or rub it in her hair, but I just keep reminding myself what a special opportunity it is to spend this much time with my kids.
I will never misunderstand that working gave me so much. I will never forget the self esteem I felt by doing a great job at my career and the reinforcements I got from that. I will never forget how those reinforcements propelled me to be a better mom as a result. I will never forget how wonderful it was having two incomes coming into our household.
That being said, I feel so slighted for the first three years (and one year) of Drew and Gabby’s life. The experience I’m getting being apart of most all of their accomplishments (both frustrating and exhilarating) is immeasurable. I so frequently noted that you only get this experience the first five years of their lives. After that they get their own agendas of extracurricular activities and friends. These five years, though, are mine.
I will never get back those first three years of Drew’s life but I intend to do it differently with Gabby. So many times I have had guilt for the fact that Drew became my rough draft. He taught me how to be a mom, how to love an offspring and how to grow as a person. And because of that he was unable to get me when Gabby did. Gabby got a mom who knew a little more about what she was doing. Gabby got a mom who knew that there was so much love in her heart. Gabby got me as a better person.
Being a mom has forever changed me in ways I can never really explain. Being a full time mom has given me so much happiness that I can never measure, certainly not financially. I feel so fortunate to be given this opportunity to stay at home with them and I just hope I never lose sight of what a blessing this really is.