Drew now sleeps in a big boy bed, he sits in a big boy chair at the dinner table, he occasionally pees on the big boy potty, he goes to big boy camp and eats big boy food but he’s still a baby. He’s not quite the baby his sister is but he is still needy. As the weeks go by and baby Gabby doesn’t go back to where she came from, Drew is realizing life has changed. As he hits us, screams because everything is his, or carries on because he can’t have something he wants, we are torn between using these episodes as learning opportunities and affectionately trying to console our baby (Drew). Disciplining seems so easy when you are speaking conceptually about bad behavior. When it’s the child that you love, it’s challenging to tighten the grips knowing that they will suffer (even if they will benefit in the long run). Disciplining is a challenge because it can break your heart but it’s also not always black and white. If Drew does an “air hit” does that count as an actual hit? Well this time he made contact but it was light, can I pretend I didn’t notice? When we were rough housing, he took it a little far but it was really my fault for rough housing and having fun. It’s endless. Now add the dynamic of a new little sister hanging around. Drew seems to be especially aggressive and temper tantrum prone when I’m nursing or tending to Gabby. How do we avoid that? How do we help him to realize that he is so important to us even though we are now divided? When he carries on that it’s his turn to “eat from Mommy’s belly,” my heart breaks into a million pieces. How do I discipline the child that hits me after I tell him that big boys don’t eat from Mommy’s belly? How do I discipline a child I know is hurting? And as I cling to the little boy he is, how do I help him to embrace the big boy he needs to become?
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I'm a mother, wife, daughter, and friend. Until recently I was also an employee. Now that I'm a full time mom, I've decided to make my thoughts, concerns and feelings public.
I am neurotic, thoughtful, emotional and sometimes even crazy. Mostly, I have a lot to say and would like to share it. -
With my students I approach discipline as a way of being, not a punishment. Instead of punishing Drew when he does something, try to figure out why he is exhibiting that behavior and proactively deal with the issue. Discipline is about teaching little people a way to interact positively with their environment and how to deal with conflict and emotions.
One piece of advice. Children have a difficult time picking up on the subtleties of adult emotion. When we gasp with excitement, or yell from frustruation, children can not always discern the difference. They then exhibit consistent negative behaviors because they get such a rise out of us. If we constantly raise our voice and yell, the method becomes ineffective and becomes a game. Stay calm and be consistent.
You can always use the "star system"!!