It’s all about me!!

I generally consider this blog to be for me. I’d like to think some of you benefit/enjoy it too but writing down my thoughts and feelings has been very therapeutic. Almost needless to say, these first four weeks of Gabby’s life have allowed for me to do very few things that are for myself. The extent of it has been doing laundry, making sure the beds are made, and there are no dishes in the sink. And although that helps me to feel balanced, having those things done, it’s not exactly a relaxing, rewarding past-time. However, it’s sort of expected that the first few weeks of a baby’s life (Adam calls this “boot camp”) are all about the precious little baby that’s acclimating to a big brand new world. Couple that dynamic with a rambunctious 2 year old and I’m not getting “me” time for another eighteen years! Do I even deserve “me” time? Putting aside temper tantrums, colic and poopy diapers, I have two unbelievably special little ones that essentially want nothing else from me but me! Is it fair to put these two little angels aside for even a second of “me” time? Every text message I send to a friend, a second away from my babies. Every dishwasher I unload, minutes away from quality time. If I were to add up all that time, shouldn’t that be the only “me” time I’m allotted? And that doesn’t even fit in my definition of “me” time!! Don’t even get me started with the time when I go to work…then I’ll be back to that motherly guilty where I’m trying to make up for lost time in a larger sense – hours! The other day Adam and I attempted dinner at a relatively fast style restaurant with our two little rugrats. Drew managed to have five temper tantrums over holding the menu, not eating his sandwich, wanting milk, needing a big boy fork and not sitting in the highchair in the forty-five minutes we were there. Gabby cried through the whole dinner which resulted in me pacing the restaurant desperately trying to shove the pacifier in her mouth. As I was pacing, I met this family where the parents were older and the daughter was a teenager (they had a son who was out frolicking with his friends). They watched us with starry glass eyes, longingly wanting what we had. I thought they were crazy, we were going mad! And I realized that years from now when my kids are long passed temper tantrums, colic and poopy diapers, I’m going to want this time back. And when I look back, do I want to remember that I was busy writing my blog? Or do I want to remember that I was holding my baby close and marveling in the time we have together (rather than hoping she will calm down so I can put her down and score a shower?!?!). But is it things like writing my blog or going for a run that make me a more calm and patient mother because that’s the “me” time I’m really looking for? Am I allotted that “me” time when I’m busy throughout the day doing household chores? Or should that time come out of my time, not theirs? And what about when I go back to work and there are hours that I’m already away from them? How does a mom learn to go through life with no sleep because there surely aren’t enough hours in a day???