Family Redefined…

At the face of, hypothetically speaking, my last week of pregnancy, I’m excited. I have been off work for a week. In that time I have organized, cleaned, situated and feel as ready as I ever will. However, the only progress Drew has made in understanding what is ahead is that baby sister is not just a room but a belly as well. When we were leaving the doctor’s office yesterday, he wanted his belly to be examined. He loudly held up his shirt in the waiting room and said “my turn, my belly.” And as “ready” as I may feel for this new baby, I’m not sure I will ever feel “ready” for causing any extra stress or hardships to my existing baby. I have done everything by the book – bought him lots of presents from his baby sister, packed new pajamas and toothbrush for his slumber party with the grandparents and situated an activity bag for the hospital. And as much as I lay out all proper precautions, I know there will be a time (or several as the case may be) where he will want my attention, he will want me to play with him or he will just want to be the baby and I won’t be able to give that to him. When I see that look in his eye, that tear run down his cheek or that disappointment in his face, I will crumble. And although I am increasingly more confident that we have made the right decision in expanding our family, I will still doubt myself from time to time. I know that that moment will happen, and as much as I believe in this step, my heart will still hurt. As we approach the final days of our three person family, I’m trying to soak it all up. I’m trying to enjoy drowning Drew with the attention of both his parents. I’m trying to devour his free spirited, happiness. I’m trying to ignore that in a matter of days the family dynamic that I love so much will be shaken. And as much as I prepare for the new addition, both mentally and physically, I will constantly be concerned with the foundation we have worked so hard to establish. And as we build onto this family, deep down inside I am confident that our strong foundation will secure a solid future as a four person family.