After all these months with Adam traveling pretty consistently, one would think that I’d get used to it. One would be wrong.
The worst part of him traveling has to be the days before. The anticipation of him leaving is enough to do me in. It seems like the kids are extra hard in the days prior to his departure so that I’m sufficiently freaked out at the prospect of caring for these monsters. Then throw in some airport/airplane fiasco. It’s enough to make me an absolute basketcase (more so than usual).
I have come to appreciate some quiet nights after the kids go to bed. I like watching my own tv shows, reading my book in bed and having some time to catch up with friends on the phone at night. However, I do not enjoy that time when I turn off all devices and am overwhelmed by the quiet of the house. It makes me feel lonely and reminds me that I’m the sole adult responsible for these three little beings.
There are so many reasons that Adam working in California is bad for me, for us and for the kids. The worst part, I think, is the fact that I must become militaristic in caring for my children. I must keep everyone on very short leash full of regimen and strictness. If I don’t, it’s chaos. It’s not an enjoyable way to live and doesn’t seem like a pleasant want to grow up.
Adam has been working very hard to change this circumstance. With each business trip we have a hope that it will be the last. But weeks keep passing and he keeps on going back and forth. I don’t seem to be feeling more optimistic – rather the contrary. I miss our five person family dynamic, I miss the extra pair of hands and mostly I miss Adam.