Job Wanted

May 28, 2014

I’m hiring. A mid-level manager to deal with the details of life. I prefer to be more of a high level manager. I’d like to be less involved with the particulars. Is that possible?

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Drew hit me, Gabby called me poopy face, insert Noah’s scream here, etc. etc. I spend all day sorting through fights about nonsense, arguments about nothing and poor choices across the board. I’m tired of it.

I’d like to say “GET ALONG.” and everyone act accordingly. However, I’m pretty certain that’s impossible. I’m pretty certain that the moment I command that they get along, becomes a license for a full out brawl.

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I want there to be someone in between the kids and me. I’d like to add an extra layer of discipline. If they get to me, they KNOW they’ve taken it WAY too far. Kinda like being sent to the principal.

I’ve tried to instill the look. You know what I mean, the look of death. My mom seemed to have it mastered. If she gave me that look, I knew I was in trouble. No punishment in the world was as bad as that look. My kids have managed to become completely immune to the look. No look, to scream, no punishment seems to be worth actually doing what I ask of them (and the bar is set pretty low based on what I’m asking of them).

So instead of continuing at the pace I’m going at, I’ve decided to hire a mid-level manager. I’ll be sitting in my corner office, feel free to visit me to discuss the finer things of life. However, it you have a complaint, please contact my mid-level manager. They will sort out the ugly things and come to me when it’s an extreme case of code red. Sounds pretty darn good…

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