Sigh

January 23, 2014

Today was one of those days that test you as a parent. The kind of day where an hour at the gym most definitely cannot sustain you. The kind of day where your five minute shower is not the oasis that keeps you going. The kind of day where gouging out your eyes while stomping on the heart that was viciously removed from your chest sounds like a viable option.

I am taking full accountability. When Gabby shrieked and woke Noah up, my reaction might have perpetuated her bad behavior. When Drew knocked his sister down, perhaps I should have handled it differently. All normal reasoning seems to go out the door when you have a crabby baby that doesn’t stop crying.

And if that weren’t bad enough, then the self loathing starts. I’m raising my children in a hostile environment full of cranky mothering, fighting siblings with frequently unsuitable consequences and a constantly irritable baby from being under slept. So, I pretty much hate myself right now.

I have come to terms with the fact my kids experience too much screen time, well sorta. I’m accepting that their nutritional ingestion is sometimes below par, um kinda. What I cannot accept is them growing up with issues stemming from hostility in the one place that should be a tranquil environment.

I’m so busy trying to survive the day with some order. And some days we do that. Sure, it’s probably one of the days Drew is in school all day or my mom is there helping. But I’m just barely sliding into survival. The other days I’m too busy failing to start thinking about self esteem, sibling rivalry and all those other psychological buzz words. At the end of these years, it’s going to be a huge surprise if my kids end up serial killer (G-d forbid) or peace prize recipients.

nobel-prize

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