Sometimes, usually when my kids are fast asleep, I think about how great they are. No I haven’t ingested an illegal substance or fallen off my rocker. I really think they are great.
It’s no secret, raising kids is HARD. I’m exhausted all the time. Keeping everything in order is taxing in a way I can’t even articulate. Disciplining is a full time job that is almost as fun as cleaning toilets for a living. Making sure everyone’s basic needs are tended to is a juggling act that you can see at a circus. And at the end of all that, I never feel like I’m doing well by them. I’m not building up their self-esteem enough. I’m not giving them enough one on one time. I’m too emotional in handling their raging moods.
Putting that all aside, these three little things that I’m lucky enough to be mommy to are AMAZING! Drew is so bright that it pains me the struggle he has to comb through the world. Understanding certain things so clearly and emotionally working through them are two extremely contrasting things to deal with. Gabby is warm, loving and compassionate in a way that her backhanded slap doesn’t quite illustrate so well. She has mounds to say that mismatch her age and maturity level, yet she still is SUCH a three year old at times. And then there’s chopped liver, a.k.a. the third one. He’s the happiest, most easy little baby (once he got passed that whole colic, not sleeping through the night bit). Poor kid’s cheeks are raw from being constantly devoured with kisses (and although I’m the biggest culprit, I’m not the only one).
I look at these little people and my brain explodes at the fact that they are mine. All I ever wanted to do in this world was be a mommy, and I am. They make me smile, laugh, cry and heavily drink. The days are full of angst and frustration but they are also filled with laughs and TONS of kisses.
I couldn’t be happier with who my children are, what our life is like and what my day to day grind is. So despite the millions (it feels like that at this point) of blogs where I’m bitching and moaning at how hard it is, how I suck at being a mom and how my kids drive me crazy, I love it all…well maybe not all of it but a significant portion (that’s gotta count for something, right?).