I fought the fight for three solid months that I was not going to give in and my baby was going to be exclusively breastfed. It wasn’t until the second month in a row where my little butterball was lacking in butter that I caved. It might have had something to do with the doctor looking at me with those gentle eyes and saying that I clearly did not want my baby to go hungry. Ugh.
This concept hit me in an earth-shattering, melodramatic place. All these horrendous feelings of inadequacy and disappointment set in. These feelings were not because I had to supplement, but because I was concerned that this would be the beginning of the end. My last baby, who I had such clear intentions of nursing for twelve months, was slipping away so quickly.
I got over myself and realized that I would just try, like with everything in my life, to do my best. And with that, I have. I’m pumping, I’m nursing, I’m supplementing, and then doing it all over again. It’s a world focused (as much as it can be) on Noah’s eating. It has not been an easy month but I have committed myself to this.
So today when we walked into the doctor’s office, I felt cocky. I walked in with an extra bounce in my step. We walked right up to that scale and I looked it straight in the digital face and said, I did it. And with that, he gained almost two pounds in one month! WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those earthy mothers who eat their own placentas, nurse until their children are seven and would croke at the mere suggestion of formula are probably reading this and disapproving. (Like any of those nutcases read this blog, and if you are one of those I’m sorry :)) This may not have been the “plan” I had but since when do I actually have control over my children and their evolving needs?!?
I realized that abandoning nursing, or this being the beginning to the end, will only happen if I let it happen. I’m still just as committed to nursing him, I’m just giving him what he needs and that means some formula too. In some ways, I feel more success that I am still nursing. It would be sooooo easy to stop now, and maybe I will end up stopping sooner than I thought because of how very hard it is. But for now I have found a way to make it work!
Noah is weighing in at 12 pounds and a quarter ounce at 4 months and appearing to be a little more butterball-esque 🙂