Two years ago when I was just learning what life was like balancing two children and getting back to working full time, I felt a huge weight lift when we made it through the week to Friday. Although I would like to think it was because it meant that I could spend two consecutive days with my kids, it really meant that it was so hard making it through each weekday that I felt a sense of accomplishment by surviving the entire week.
I’m finding that the same principle holds true now. I have so many things up in the air between the kids’ many activities, my agenda (i.e. the gym, grocery shopping, etc) and all the curve balls I seem to be repeatedly thrown. Making it to Friday means I have the chance over the weekend to have Adam help with the daily challenges.
When I worked full time, I idealized being a stay at home mom. I rolled my eyes whenever stay at home moms mentioned that they just couldn’t find any time. You think YOU don’t have any time?!?! Try fitting in a full time job, playing with your kids, housework and exercise in a mere twenty-four hours…oh yeah and sleep!!
I frequently cross working moms that make comments like they could never stay home with their kids. Or stay at home moms that think that you can’t really be a parent unless you stay home with your kids. I think we all tell ourselves what makes us feel better about the role we chose but never are 100% happy either way. Now that I’m a stay at home mom, I realize that I may have underestimated the challenges of the job. And those people that say those things about how they are ill equipped to stay home with their kids may be onto something.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad I have been given this opportunity to spend this time with my kids. I would never have come to terms with working and missing these years. But I sometimes worry that maybe my kids would be better off if I had stayed working.
One of my reasons for quitting was that I was not happy with the kind of mom my kids were exposed to while working. I was running and doing all the time trying to fit everything into my day. I’m not sure that the kind of mom my kids are exposed to now is much better. I’m frazzled, exhausted, busy running and doing, and can’t seem to find anytime! I have become the person that I did NOT understand.
Without a doubt, they will be laying on a couch at some point in their lives complaining about their psychotic mother, I still feel in my heart that being with someone who unconditionally loves them (despite being completely off her rocker) has to be at least just as good as an extremely accredited full day program. Right?