At an overdue 2 month checkup yesterday, the doc told me that Noah isn’t gaining as he should. WHAT?!?! I almost lost it. Feel free to remind me that at this point “IT” has been long gone. And as much as I claim to have lost it on several occasions, I’m still getting up in the morning and charging through so I guess there’s something still remaining.
First of all, despite claiming to be a bonafide mother these days…bonafide mothers don’t catch every illness their kids ever have. And this “bonafide mother” seems to have caught Gabby’s mild bout of stomach flu. I say mild because I can manage to get out of bed and do what needs to be done but I’m weak, nauseous, etc. It’s like G-d (or whomever deals you what you got) is reading my blogs and when I complained about having a sick kid on top of normal chaos, he was like if you think this is hard…take this! Maybe it’s really proof that I’m more tough than I give myself credit for. Or just more evidence that television (despite me originally thinking it was the worst thing ever) is a gift from the big man himself 🙂
So the fact that I was feeling like a truck ran me over, under slept and overwhelmed, it’s no wonder I couldn’t take this news well.
The major issue is that this is what we dealt with Gabby’s entire first year of life until we discovered her allergies. This walk down memory lane is a painful one and it rehashed feelings that I haven’t exactly come to terms with. So if you are thinking that maybe we can skip the next nine months of agony and go straight to the allergy route – think again! I am already eliminating quite a bit from my diet! Ugh!!!!
Then the unthinkable happened. The actual pediatrician suggested that I supplement – my way out! I spend all this energy bitching and moaning at what a nuisance nursing is and then someone who knows WAY more than me hands me my out on a golden platter. And what do I do? Choke up and start to cry that I cannot supplement. Um…huh?
Can you believe it? The truth is when push comes to shove, I’m unwilling to give up making this whole nursing thing work!! Who would have thought that was how I really felt in my gut. It has to be coming from within because now I’m on this whole insanely more challenging strategy of supplementing with my own milk, pumping around the clock, etc. So either I refuse to take the easy way out in absolutely everything in life or I’m just a glutton for punishment…you decide 🙂