Everyone keeps nicely asking me how I am. And perhaps if I were pregnant with my first I would say something like, I can’t wait to meet this precious baby. Maybe when I was pregnant with my second I would say that I’m excited to not be pregnant. My response lately is far less cordial.
It’s been no secret that I have spent the majority of this pregnancy grumpy but I’d say my grumpiness has hit an all time high (or low as it may be). I have never been more uncomfortable, more sleep deprived without a newborn or more symptomatic with pregnancy pitfalls. So when someone nicely asks me how I am doing, it’s almost impossible for me to fake anything nice.
I want this baby out!!!! I want to have my body back. I want to have a good night’s sleep. I want to be able to stand, sit or lay comfortably (at least one of those positions I’d take). And I’ll leave out any other things I’m sick of that may be less pretty than the beautiful symptoms I have already mentioned. I have long passed the point of glowing.
In preparation for this baby, my kids seem to have heated up the “drive me crazy” meter. Maybe it’s coming off the spoiled craze of Chanukah, perhaps it’s due to school and classes winding down, or mainly it’s because I’m so very unhappy that my patience is at an extreme low. Any way you look at it; timeouts are on the rise in this house, privileges are being taken away left and right and voices are spent more elevated than not. So I’m thinking if someone were to ask my children or my husband how things are going, they may have an answer similar to mine.
Despite all my complaints, I’d be lying if I said there isn’t an overwhelming part of me that still feels so very nervous for the arrival of this baby that my enthusiasm over the impending birth isn’t as high as it should be. I think I would have been sad if I didn’t have this child. I always wanted three kids and I feel so fortunate to have the chance to go through everything again. But the truth is that I’m scared out of my mind for what my life will become. I’m scared that this will in fact be my breaking point, because I’m tetering on near insanity these days.
How am I doing? Um…that’s how.