Back to the Basics

Last week was a tough week. It was a storm of temper tantrums – some of which I felt that I had properly conquered and some of which I had not. Then the weekend hit. And I suddenly realized that temper tantrums are a day in the park compared to true discipline problems. It’s funny how soon I forget.

At the beginning of the year, shortly after we had moved and gone to Disney, Drew was at an all time low. I was grabbing for straws in trying to manage the episodes we were having. I worked hard on implementing a sticker chart which rewarded positive behavior, school mirrored this discipline technique, and Drew flourished. Much like every other time there has been a hurdle, I start out really strict and with time things go lax. We have abandoned the chart for a while now and he had been doing just fine.

Maybe its the change of the seasons, maybe the air is blowing in a different direction…I don’t know but whatever it is, some of the bad behaviors are coming back. I’m finding myself throwing out, “if you don’t stop xyz then I’m gonna…I’m gonna…do something that you don’t like and its going to be really bad,” statements, trying to find the most painful consequence so he understands the magnitude of his behavior. Shockingly it is not working.

Fortunately he is maintaining his composure at school, which is really no surprise since they are still going strong on their positive reinforcement sheet. And I understand all the mamba jamba they would tell me in how important positive reinforcements are to avoid conflict and then you won’t have to struggle with the punishments. But sometimes I just don’t feel like doing it. Our sticker chart, despite being a stupid complaint, was high maintenance. I had to constantly be rewarding him and coming up with creative rewards. Sometimes I just want to exist without conflict. Is that too much to ask for?

I play a large role in this whole situation, I am by no means innocent. Whatever the circumstance is, however I respond to it, I seem to light a fire in Drew. It’s hard to not get emotional when he’s running around a department store so out of control and I can’t keep up with him. But even if I address that situation calm, which is completely not the way I feel, he gets worse. If I address it hysterically, like I actually feel, he gets worse. Sadly the only answer is to dust off the sticker chart and go right back to the basics. Sigh.