Since we have been back from winter break, I have been so strict. Frankly, I have made Stalin look like a nice flexible guy. I have been so strict that I barely have even enjoyed my eldest child. Every moment of conversation dedicated to good behavior mantras…keep your hands on your own body, listen to teachers, use nice words, etc etc. And all in all it seems to have gotten me NOWHERE!
We have officially been back at school for a week and each time I pick him up the report is worse. Reports of hitting fellow classmates, being outright disobedient to teachers, stealing toys, using mean words, the list goes on. Then yesterday at a play date at a “kid cafe,” a stranger (another mother) came up to me asking if he was my son because he was hitting and required discipline. What else is new?!?!
I am at my wits end. I don’t know what else I can possibly do. I know I have been down this road before, people sending different discipline techniques my way. I most definitely appreciate it, and sometimes it will work for a short time. But eventually we are always back at the same spot – engaging a social worker and trying to work past this “stage.”
I didn’t expect parenthood to be easy, I expected discipline to be a challenge. But these constant challenges and trying times are more than I bargained for. Every place we go, everything we do – a new stumbling block. I’m tired. I’m tired of apologizing. I’m tired of him being mean to nice people. I’m tired of him mistreating other kids. And I’m mostly tired of always being the bad guy and trying to find new ways to hurt his feelings (i.e. taking away his prized possessions, limiting activities he loves) as much as he’s hurting mine.
And for those of you reading this that don’t know him or don’t know him well, I’ve probably just painted the picture of a monster. He definitely is a monster at times but he’s also sweet and loving. He kisses us all the time and tells us how much he loves us. He’s incredibly bright and constantly says things or does things that blows our minds. I love him more than my heart even knew possible.
But I’m spent. And he’s only three. Will I be bailing him out of jail at 16? Will I be on a first name basis with every school administrator? Or am I just being dramatic and this too shall pass? Probably the most likely thing is that I will be directly enrolled in an inpatient psych ward.