Maybe today was not the day to be giving up coffee. It’s also quite possible that I’m an over-dramatic, hormonal person. Either way you look at it, today was not a good day. It was a very dark day in the land of parenting. It was so dark, getting my job back may not be sufficient. It may take running away from home for me to get over this day.
This week has been full of my eldest being sick, throwing up on me (to the point of needing a shower), and an agitation and aggression that just sorta bubbled over into everything we have done. Yesterday I drove Drew to school with him reminding me over and over again, “I don’t like you Mommy.” Needless to say I didn’t add that to “Nonsense.”
We’ve gone through major behavioral hurdles over the last three plus years of life. Most kids, I’m sure, have temper tantrums, push their limits and go through hitting type episodes. Drew has pretty much challenged it all. Last year we had to go to school and talk with the social worker because his aggression was effecting the class and we worked together to get past some of these growing pains.
Today Drew took aggression to a whole new level. I might even say that we had an episode with him “beating me up” in Costco. It was not pretty. He calls people rude, insulting names (“you big crazy lady”), he expresses mean, crude acts he would like to do to people (“I’m going to poop on your face”), and he gets physical (pushing, kicking or spitting when he doesn’t get results he wants). He has officially pushed “1, 2, 3, Magic” to the max.
I can accept that he is not fully to blame. I’m not exactly a professional, nor do I pretend to be one on tv, and I don’t always know the appropriate way to counter the circumstance. I have tried “1, 2, 3, Magic” to no avail. It only works if the repercussion is substantial enough. He’s resistant to time outs (and that was especially evident at Costco when I tried to implement a time out) and seems to find humor in my disciplining him in general.
I try ignoring certain things he says because he’s so clearly trying to get a rise, but then I’m fearful that he doesn’t understand the severity of the things he’s saying (“I’m going to push you into a car”). And his overall temperament is so wound up that I try desperately to bring it back down to a more calm level.
And now I’m just left frustrated. Either parents across the globe are lying to me or there’s something going wrong here. I read blogs, talk to other parents, read articles, communicate with friends and family and nobody seems to have the frustration that I have with Drew. Am I just taking it harder and making it seem worse (it sure as hell feels bad)? Or do we really have a bad situation? Is it a bad situation because I’m not handling it right? Or is it a bad situation because Drew is really outside the realm of a normal mischievous three year old?
All I do know is that I’m deflated in a way that I never have been before. I feel so out of control, which I don’t handle well in the first place, and sad that I can’t get my son to behave. And on top of it all, the well behaved, sweet, good girl gets neglected because she doesn’t demand as much from me. I think it may be time to call in the professionals…
I'm a mother, wife, daughter, and friend. Until recently I was also an employee. Now that I'm a full time mom, I've decided to make my thoughts, concerns and feelings public.
I will not pretend to dispense advice on this one. But, i do share your pain. Jeremy is the king of tantrums. He has never had one at school except in the lobby, so think the teachers think I am crazy. At 2, we would have 2-3 major, 20-40 minute tantrums a day. Full out screaming, hitting, kicking, throwing tantrums. At 3, almost 4 we are down to one a day and some are getting quicker to end. Although for some reason he has to take off his shoes and throw them wherever we are when he gets angry. You are not the alone! Just remember to be consistent and take time for yourself. Good luck.
Thank you so much Sheryl. It means so much to know that others are going through challenges like I am. Someone referred me to a social worker that helps to give parents tools to combat these situations. I’m going to meet with her on Monday. I’ll let you know any strategies I find. Thanks, as always, for contributing!
Hmmm. This one is a toughie. Well, you are doing all the “right” things. Hang in there, Heli!
Thanks Rach! I’m glad I have friends like you in my corner 🙂
Hang in there. Some kids are just more challenging than others. There is usually a reason behind it. Perhaps there are things bothering him that he can’t verbalize, so he lashes out because at least he’s getting your attention. I think it is great you are meeting with a social worker. They should have some great strategies for you. My friend had a cousin studying to be a psychologist and for credit, she gave a series of interactive session on psychological strategies for helping challenging children. Each of the women that attended were thrilled with knowing more about how changing our actions can change their reactions. In the mean time, stay consistent and don’t let him wear you down. Try giving compliments every time you see a good behavior. That way he is getting attention in a positive way instead of feeling like you are always yelling. Good luck!
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Thanks for the support! I really tried to focus on the compliments and good behavior over the weekend, like you mentioned, and he was much better. It just forces you to always be on your toes. Every engagement, every situation has to turn into a learning opportunity. It gets exhausting. That being said, I feel that if I do the heavy lifting now it will be a huge benefit in the long run. Thanks for your thoughts, as usual!!
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Heli,
You are a wonderful mother and I am sure Drew appreciates all you do (or will in the future)….keep up the amazing work. Your children are beautiful and I only hope they grow up to be like you!