The BFBBQ Lives On!

9 years ago my husband and his friends came up with the brilliant idea of having a big BBQ to kick off the summer. Everyone would invite all their friends, they would charge minimally for food and beer. And so the BFBBQ (Big F***ing BBQ) was born.

Almost 8 years ago November, after years of struggling with Bipolar Disorder, our friend took his own life. All the friends joined together and decided for the BFBBQ to take a new shape. It became a fundraiser. Proceeds, rather than be dedicated to making the following year more elaborate, were passed along to either Bipolar Alliance or Suicide Prevention (sometimes both).

This past weekend marked the ninth BFBBQ. And although there were still burgers, dogs, kegs and even jello shots, it has become the Big Family BBQ (still BFBBQ). Instead of having “so and so’s roommate’s from college best friend’s boyfriend’s cousin” in attendance, there were lots of rugrats (our actual offsprings) running around playing sports. Instead of keg stands and beer funnels, there are toys and juice boxes. It’s still has the same ring but it’s a whole new game!

This year, however, was the first year I really wasn’t looking forward to the day. The BFBBQ has endured squabbles, different management, financial challenges, new babies being born, etc. But this year, in some ways should have been my easiet year since I am actually staying at home, I was not invested in the BFBBQ.

At one point when the day was raging on (through downpour and muddy children), I realized what a special thing we do by keeping up the BFBBQ legacy. At one point when our friend’s (who is no longer with us) family came, I realized that the BFBBQ is worth more than the efforts it takes to organize it, publicize it, or argue through it. It’s worth something to their family and now it’s becoming something to my family.

And each thing I do, my little sponges take in. They process what I do, assess it, and then make choices with their own lives as they grow. I’d like them to take away that I am the kind of person who does something, not just something because it’s fun or easy but does something because it’s the right thing to do, because it’s the nice thing to do. And on top of that, I had a damn good time doing it!