Acceptance Comes From Within

August 9, 2011

I went to work with my husband all by myself. And while I was there I got a phone call from my mom’s store (I managed her store for three years). They had a question about an order I was working on. It was important I leave in a timely fashion because I had a meeting at work, CDW (my first place of employment post college). While I was on my way to my meeting, I realized I was really in route for AstraZeneca headquarters (my most recent place of employment). When I got there, there was a teacher from Drew’s school and parents from his classroom. I was at a field trip or something. Then I woke up.

It had been like ghosts of my employments past. Almost as if my quest for growing my career landed me in stay at home mom land. I’m not sure what I have been after but I landed in some land between employment and crazy toddlers. Funny how it wasn’t the day to day glamour of being wrist deep in poop, rather at a field trip. The irony of that was my fear of missing my kids field trips by being an employed mommy. That I would use up all my vacation days on their vacations and never get to participate in field trips.

Recently I was discussing my husband’s job with him. I realized that soon, maybe not tomorrow but in the future, I will be so removed from the business world and corporate America that my opinions and thoughts may not count. It scared me.

Would I rather be removed from the intimacy of my children’s lives? No. The thought that I would not be able to be respected in a group of careered adults scares me. I want to be able to have a place at the corporate table, even years after I’ve been away from the table. I also want to have a place at circle time with the stay at home moms. Do other moms question there placement?

So many of my working friends feel so definite that they could never be a stay at home mom. And so many of my stay at home friends feel that they could never go back to working. I’m in limbo. I’m not quite positive nor satisfied in either role, yet I want to be accepted in both arenas.

10 thoughts on “Acceptance Comes From Within

  1. I TOTALLY know what you mean. I definitely don’t want to give up raising my baby full-time, but I’m also afraid that I’m going to lose my skills or that my colleagues aren’t going to respect me when I go back. Will I have to start from the bottom? I’ll definitely have to pick up where I left off, which will be the same level as college graduates just entering the professional workforce. But I’m not willing to give up being a stay-at-home mom while my children are young.

    Sometimes I’ve thought about never going back to work because I’ll be so out of touch, so I should just start my own side business or something. It’s tough, I feel you.

    • Maybe we should all start a “formerly a stay at home mom” business. Negotiating with a three year old to take a nap has to translate to some real world skills, right?

  2. I think it’s the classic mothers dilemma. You are changing, and developing more and more not only as a mommy, but as someone entering a new professional field as a blogger. What you say, and your experiences are funny, heartfelt, and relateable. Keep it up. And remember that you are relevant to your kids, Adam, your family and friends. We love you and are proud of you.

    • You really understood my point – staying relevant. Thank you so much for your continual support. It’s hard to put yourself and your feelings out there, it helps to know that they are falling upon kind ears (or eyes in this case). You are such a great friend!!!

  3. Heli Congrats on staying home! I am enjoying reading about your experience. I can relate to this. Since I had my second I went back to work 3 days a week. I love my work life balance and feel I have the best of both worlds. Kudos to you….I don’t know if I could do what you are doing now. That being said, my part time status over the past 3 yrs has put a damper on my career, but given the choice, I wouldn’t change my decision to be home with my kids more…there’s my 2 cents 😉

    • Thanks so much Robyn! You really have the best situation. Obviously there has to be some sacrifice, you probably won’t end up being CEO working three days a week but you get more time with your children which is worth so much more. Thank you so much for your 2 cents, I look forward to hearing more!!!

  4. Heli- I need a balance of both worlds too. Thankfully, I have a job that gives me flexible hours, so I can take off for a field trip every now and then. I’m still home when the bus picks them up for school. My kids can also come to work with me when they are not in school. I can’t imagine giving up the flexibility of being able to do both. I couldn’t be a full time SAHM nor could I be a strict 40+ hour corporate employee. I hope you find a solution that works for you and your family.

    • What a perfect situation you have. I would love to find something like that. Right now I’m so challenged with my SAHM career, I’m not sure how I ever fit anything else in. I think parents that can have a balance between both probably have more to offer their children.

  5. I’m right there with you. I got laid off a while back and have decided to make my kids my full time job. I completely understand the limbo feeling. I find myself talking to strangers, preschool teachers, other parents, etc. much more than normal because I crave adult interaction.

    • Thanks for finding me Sheryl! I totally understand the need for adult interaction. I feel like I have been getting some of that from blogging. I highly suggest getting involved with the online mommy community. It has helped me tremendously.

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