Poker Face

Day one of being a stay at home mom and I’m still standing (or sitting in this case). As a safety measure for both the kids and me, I planned a fun-filled action packed day at the beach. Bags were packed, picnic made and we were off!

As I was inching my way to the beach, the hard truth sunk in. I am the only adult responsible for the safety and welfare of these amazing children. A panic swept over me like nothing I have ever experienced. What if something happens outside of my realm? What if this whole time I thought I was a mom, I really was a “nights and weekends” kind of mom? How does that mom stack up against “full time, handle it all” mom?

I forced myself out of that tailspin of anxiety to approach a sea (or maybe a lake) of stay at home moms who were out for similar day outings. All of them with appropriate gear (unlike myself who was over packed and prepared for every predicament that could ever arise), all of them with appropriate moods for a relaxing day at the beach (I was so anxiety filled and prepared for anything from kung foo defense to CPR), and play dates with other adults to keep the socialization above a three year old level.

I tried very hard to maintain my cool – blend in with the moms, steer clear of the grandparents and avoid any potential nannies. I felt that if I acted the part, pretended I really was a professional stay at home mom, that nobody would notice I was really a newbie at this whole thing.

I won’t say the experience was easy but I will say it was fun. There was some interesting times of balancing the baby on the hip while trying to undress the toddler but all in all it was a success. And as I was leaving the beach, there was a seemingly much more competent mother of three extremely small children walking out reprimanding her children about not being able to go on future play dates due to bad behavior. I just smiled and realized that I did it. I may not quite have mastered being a stay at home mom but I’m not sure the moms who have always done it have mastered it either. I’m just going to fake it until I make it!