‘Tis the Season

June 28, 2011

Three years ago, June 12, was when I became a mom for the first time. One year ago, June 26, was when I became a mom for the second time. And from before May 1st 2011 (Adam’s birthday), I have been fervently planning and preparing for the season of birthdays. So today, June 27, I’m finally done with this season. In the midst of all the planning, I frequently was ready for it all to be over. And now that it’s over, I’m sad. It was fun and exciting. And each party was so special in its own way.
I spend a lot of my life in the land of regret. I regret having my husband, son and daughter having birthdays so close together. Then I regret that the season of birthdays is over. I have a desire to live in the land of acceptance. My husband, son and daughter have birthdays close together, what a fun and exciting time of year. Rather I regret it during the experience and miss it after the experience. How am I ever going to be content?

I have a fear that my life as a stay at home mom will reflect this same sentiment. As a working mom, I was constantly disappointed and upset over what I was missing. As a stay at home mom, I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed and upset over the career I left behind. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

I have said before that I would not drive myself crazy with obsessing over the grass on the other side of the fence. Yet I can’t quite make it past this vice. I have improved though. During Drew’s 1st birthday, I was such a nervous wreck I could barely enjoy it. These three parties were some of the most fun times I have had. Having friends and family around as I celebrated the people that matter most to me, was a truly euphoric feeling. So next year as I become obsessed with the particulars of celebrating three birthdays in a two month span or stressed with the details…someone remind me that it ’tis the season.

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