My mom has said from time to time that although she loves the big girl that I’ve become, she misses the baby I once was. I got a taste of that this weekend. My big boy turned three. He’s far from the adult I am but I had some serious sadness as he turned three. Saturday night when I was putting him to bed, I said goodbye to the two year old. I felt very depressed that I would never see the two year old again.
We watched some videos of Drew as a newborn infant. When he was first born I had some major growing pains. My life changed so drastically – not having children one second and having a newborn the next. It was a difficult transition for me. He never slept, he wanted to be held every minute and he ate nonstop. Yet watching the videos of the infant, I longed to hold him that way. I love chasing after him now. I love having a more independent kid that has thoughts and feelings. I just missed having that needy, little infant that I feel like I didn’t appreciate nearly enough.
Next month I will have the opportunity to have fun-filled summer days of going to the pool, park, doing activities and just enjoying the rambunctious toddler he has become. I know that during the midst of all those activities I won’t long for the infant because the infant wasn’t nearly as much fun. That being said, the more times I hear “I do myself” or “No, Drew do,” the more I realize he is growing up.
And because all that happens so fast, that’s why I am opting to forgo my career. I am opting to savor each minute of three year old Drew. I’m not sure I will feel any better saying goodbye to the three year old and welcoming the four year old next year. But this upcoming year will give me more time to spend with the three year because I didn’t get nearly enough of the two year old.