I realized shortly into motherhood that being a parent ruined me. Any sort of sanity, inner serenity I had went out the door. I will never be the same as a result of parenthood. As I prepare for my trip ahead, I realize that I will never truly be able to enjoy such a vacation or possibly any vacation ever again. Frequently when I’m with my rugrats, I’m overwhelmed and exhausted. Drew doesn’t listen to me, I feel my anxiety level rise, and then Gabby has some need that urgently needs tending to (poop up the back, spit up everywhere, etc), anxiety now through the roof. My children’s internal clock seems to be waking us all up earlier and earlier yet their nighttime sleepiness doesn’t set in until way after mine is about to knock me out. So a vacation with these crazy kids is far from relaxing. One would think I would be relishing the opportunity to have an adult vacation separate from those stressors. This is the part where it is so evident that parenthood has ruined me. I can’t look forward or possibly even fully enjoy this trip because I’m both worried about the kids and desperately miss them. I can’t fully enjoy anything if they aren’t there. What?!?! You mean to tell me that I’m not happy unless I’m anxiety ridden and exhausted?!?! Am I a glutton for punishment or what?!?! I’m not going to be able to sleep in because I’m trained to listen for children waking up, and now even in the absence of children I will wake up to every noise. I’m not going to be able to eat a slow relaxing dinner because I’m trained to gulp down my food. I’m not going to be able to sit back and enjoy the scenery because I’m going to be psycho stalking my parents every two seconds for the minor details of the kids’ days. I’m ruined! I will never be the same again. And as much as I would like a little vacation in the past where concerns and worries were minimal and getting away actually meant getting away from it all, I wouldn’t change anything about my life now. I may look the same (despite the spit up on my shirt and stickers inadvertently stuck to the bottom of my shoe), I’m not the same. I’m ruined, but I’m ruined for the better.
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I'm a mother, wife, daughter, and friend. Until recently I was also an employee. Now that I'm a full time mom, I've decided to make my thoughts, concerns and feelings public.
I am neurotic, thoughtful, emotional and sometimes even crazy. Mostly, I have a lot to say and would like to share it. -
So this is what I have to look forward to over the next 5 days???? Actually, now that I think about it, I have been living with those same feelings, let's see since about 1980!!