Prior to having Gabby, I found the whole breastfeeding phenomenon to be strange. I did it with Drew reluctantly for three months because I was committed to trying to give Drew the best of everything. I was thrilled when I finally decided that I had done my duty. I felt uncomfortable with nursing in front of people. I felt that there was something so unnatural about putting a private part inside a child’s mouth in order to feed them, despite the fact that there are not many things more natural than breastfeeding. I was anxious to have my body completely back to myself upon completion of 40 weeks of pregnancy and three months of nursing. Since having Gabby I have now experienced what everyone loves about nursing your child. For one, in a world full of Drew it’s so nice to be forced to carve out time to spend exclusively with Gabby. Then there’s the fact that our lives are so fast paced and crazed, it’s great to have 20 plus minutes to sit back and relax. The caveat to that being that can also be stressful when you have a lot that needs to get done. As our expenses (daycare, school loans, etc) grow, it’s phenomenal to be able to feed her free of charge. It allows me the opportunity to still feel connected to my baby during my work day because I am forced to stop and pump. And although there are many things I will not miss (pumping in the car while working, being forced to whip out my boob in public even if it is behind my “hooter hider,” and limited access to caffeine while being very under slept), I’m very sad to give it up. I finally understand the hoopla around nursing. I feel such a sense of accomplishment having made it this far. Months ago we made plans to go to wine country in California. I never thought when we made the plans that it would effect my nursing plans, I never thought I would make it past three months. Now the trip is approaching and I need to start weaning off of breastfeeding. This was supposed to be my first week giving up one feeding and I have already failed. I feel like giving up nursing is like giving up Gabby. Right now I’m the only one who can give her nourishment. She and I have a special bond from all the time we have spent together nursing. And I know I’ll still be her mom and always provide her comfort, I’m sad to give up this unique bond. I guess that’s similar to life with a child. They start out growing inside you and each and every day you both work towards them growing away from you. I’m just not ready quite yet…but I guess you never really are.