It’s a girl!!

I always knew that I wanted Drew to have a sibling. It wasn’t because being an only child was so horrible but it was hard. It was not hard for the reasons most people think. I didn’t mind playing by myself or being with the adults all the time. It was when my dad died and my mom had a brain tumor that I realized the benefit of having a sibling. It would have been nice to have a family member to share the burden and have the same prospective I had.

So now that Drew is officially going to have a sibling, I’m apprehensive that I made the right decision. We found out yesterday that we are having a girl. I have always wanted a daughter, even back in my days of playing house. Girls and their many interests I understand. Barbie dolls, nail polish, ballet classes all make sense to me. And although I am thrilled that we will be having a girl, I’m not as enthusiastic as I thought I would be. I can’t help feeling like the excitement I have for this new baby is betraying the baby I currently have. I feel like I am so blessed to have this little boy in my life, to be his mommy and sit front row at the Drew show. If I take even an ounce of my energy away from him to embrace this new child, I am shortchanging the most amazing little person I have ever been fortunate enough to have in my life. Couple that with the fact that I am now going to have a girl, which is what I always dreamt of makes me feel like I’m wanting something that is the opposite of my most prized possession.

I know that ten or twenty years from now I will be confident that we made the right decision adding to our family. I’m just afraid of the day we come home with the baby, and maybe the year to follow. I want Drew to always know what a joy he has been and that we didn’t have another baby because he wasn’t enough for us. I want Drew to always feel that he is loved 100% by his parents and not 50% because he really deserves 150%. I want Drew to know that even though I don’t understand sports and everything that goes with a boy that I have always wanted him and loved him more than anything else. How do you instill all this while dividing yourself amongst two?