Forever Enemies?

Gabby’s favorite place to put her hands is around Noah’s neck. At times, she’s my sweetest, easiest child. At other times (mainly when it comes to Noah) she’s the most unreasonable. Just before Noah was born, a close friend had a baby. Gabby wanted that baby so badly. I was so excited to see how enthusiastic she was for their baby. But their baby was no threat. 

It hurts my heart to think that each child suffered when the next came. Not to mention, I had a lower tolerance for their neediness and inability to be independent because I had a new baby who was in fact needy and unable to be independent. Sometimes I think my relationship with Noah will always be better because it hasn’t suffered through a new baby cutting into his babyhood. I probably should have been more sympathetic of what it felt like to be the older ones but it’s hard when you are living the day to day struggles. 

I have mentioned so many times to my children the value of their “forever friend” (a.k.a their sibling). A relationship that I never experienced. The opportunity to have someone close in age to grow up with and share experiences with seems like a gift in so many ways. I did, however, under estimate the value of being an only child. I feel sad that life is never just about them and I feel like they are always fighting for that as a result. 

Noah walked extremely late and I realized that part of his lack of desire to be two legged was the opportunity for me to hold him. He held me back from being involved with the other two, therefore holding onto his place with me. It’s easy to get angry with Gabby for mistreating Noah because he seems so helpless and is always crying from something she did. What I have noticed is that sometimes Noah will start to cry before she’s even done anything. He’s no dummy and he probably is expecting the cruelty but he’s also manipulating me into always taking his side. He’s getting older and more capable of defending himself. He needs to toughen up a bit.

Many siblings I know are four years apart. That’s a viable age difference between two, yet for Noah and Drew there is a whole other child between them. There has been a great deal of similar frustrating behavior between Drew and Gabby, but that same hostility doesn’t seem to be the case with Drew and Noah. Maybe because they are the same gender, maybe because Drew felt less threatened by his arrival…whatever it is, they seem to get along much better. 

I’m not sure they will ever get to the place where they enjoy being around each other or even appreciate that they have each other. I’ll just have to beat them over the head with that message…like so many other messages