I’m crushing

I have such a crush, in a “willing to skip my only errand day to go to music class” sorta way. I hold this little man, my last baby, against me and I realize that I can no longer do this with my other two. Gabby is still cuddly and I think she will be for awhile more. Drew, on the other hand, barely even hugs me anymore. When I try to pick him up, he’s so heavy that I realize my days of throwing him up are numbered. The baby ship is leaving our house.

Noah FINALLY (not that I’m really complaining) started a significant scoot. He can get places. This means that before long, he won’t want me to hold him anymore. I can get some more sleepy rocking days in but he’s double digits for his month count which means his first birthday is looming. As often as I try to fit “Mama” into his vocabulary, he still has mostly mastered ba-ba and da-da. So as long as he can’t say “Mama” means he can’t say “I hate you” either (which unfortunately has become the preferred way of handling not getting your way in our house).

Maybe I will always have a tender spot in my heart for him as my last baby. Maybe I will always have a tender spot in my heart because I feel like he loses something by being the third. Or maybe he’s just so damn adorable that it’s near impossible NOT to have a tender spot in your heart for him. But I look at him, and I feel like I can get lost in being with him in a way I can’t remember with my others.

Suddenly blocks have never been more interesting, gobbling baby food has never looked more delicious or playing with an exersaucer has never seemed more exciting. Despite being small on all accounts, his cheeks are so kiss-ably chubby and his thighs are ticklishly fat. I want to pause the clock and just soak him in, all ten and a half months of him.

In a world full of kindergarten and preschool, he finds the extra tiny little space in our lives. Although he deserves a giant block of a parent’s life, this is what he was destined for. So if it means that I may fall behind in my trips to Costco, Target, and all the other places I go on my one day off (my day with Noah), I’m going to do music with him smack dab in the middle of the day completely and totally inconvenient for my errands. Because frankly he deserves that and so much more.