This is THE life I always wanted. As a little girl, when I closed my eyes and dreamt of something more, something better, this is what I dreamed of.
Sure, I could have more money so I could buy more things. Things? Sure, my kids could be better behaved. Sure, in my dreams I was ten pounds lighter. But essentially this is it.
Now that I’m here in the land where dreams come true, it’s a large burden. The largest being that it just doesn’t happen, at least not to me. So I have to spend these days of staying at home with the most amazing kids and outstanding husband tiptoeing waiting for the other shoe to drop. In a world where my beautiful, smart, sweet friend gets Cancer, my dad dies the way he did, my mom had a brain tumor…something always happens.
And then there’s the guilt. If I wake up crabby or feel grumpy, what excuse do I have? I seem to be living happily ever after. How can anyone, especially someone who is just waiting for the shit to hit the fan, ever have an unhappy day when this is the life you are blessed enough to lead?!?!
There are some days, like this moment, when the kids are screaming like maniacs, my husband came home at 6:15 pm after leaving the house at 5:30 am and I have had aggravation with landscapers and handymen alike that I just sit here and say thank you. Thank you for giving me all that I have, or giving me the strength and insight to make this life a realty. I am so blessed and fortunate to be where I am.