Today in Yoga my teacher talked about Tarka, writing down three things (as she put it, things that were “no bueno”) that you are not so proud of that you did and then destroy the paper. It’s like coming to terms with the things you have done that were less than best, instantly I thought about the stank eye I gave the chick who asked me to scoot over my Yoga mat – oops, and let yourself off the hook with a brand new outlook. It got me thinking…
I really laid into Gabby for peeing all over the couch. I mean she’s three, she’s potty trained, she SHOULD totally know better. But was it necessary for me to get so very mad about it. At this point my couch is a giant burp cloth, napkin, and doodle pad…why not throw in toilet too?!?!
During our daytime hustle and bustle, there are many times that we say and do things that we aren’t proud of. We yell more than we want to. Our patience runs thin all too often. There are certainly many times that I am conscious that I should have done things differently. So what would noting my indiscretions on paper really do to make the situation better?
So maybe the true healing comes in facing what you did wrong and letting it go. How do you actually let it go? How do you look yourself in the face, see the mistakes you made and say it’s ok?
I live in this world of constant self-doubt. Am I doing right by my children? Am I doing enough? Could I be doing more? Am I doing too much? It’s an ongoing battle. Are my kids the way they are because of me or in spite of me? To be able to come face to face with my mistakes and give myself a break would be so freeing.