Judaism is not a cool kids religion. There are several reasons I make this claim.
On the most important of Jewish holidays, we sit in temple for hours. The holiday reaches a climax at the end of eight days, not because we get a big party or tons of gifts. Rather it all culminates with a fast. If my kids think I’m lovely to be around sleep deprived and rushing them out in the morning, they should just see Mommy without coffee and food in her system. It’s quite a sight to beheld. Christianity, on the other hand, has their biggest holiday centered around a jolly big guy, tons of gifts and bright lights. C’mon kids, which sounds like more fun?!?
Monday night marked the first night of Passover. By the second night, Drew shouted that he hates Passover Seders. I can’t imagine how he could feel that way when a Seder is so evidently catered to our youth. With talk of slaying the first born and words that even I can’t pronounce, it’s no wonder all the homemade Seder plates and puzzles couldn’t mask the fact that Seders are boring!
Why can’t we get a mascot or something? Ransacking the house for the afikomen (the dessert matza) isn’t quite the same as a good ‘ole fashioned egg hunt. How am I supposed to appeal to my kids? How am I supposed to teach them the value of perpetuating my ancestors’ traditions when they are so clearly not marketed to our kiddos? Drew told me the other day that he’s sad he doesn’t celebrate Easter. Hell, I’m sad we don’t celebrate Easter!
The sentiment is there. Our family works hard to make a delicious home-cooked meal. We spend time with our family, Gabby certainly enjoyed her teenage girl cousins whom she lovingly referred to as Princesses. In realty though, Drew and Gabby both shorted out before the delicious home-cooked meal could be ingested. And we, the parents, spent minimal time with our family because we were so consumed with our monster children and the hurdles they threw at us one after another.
In years to come I’m sure holidays will seem more meaningful. If nothing more, it’s an annual tradition that they will continuously encounter. We may be the chosen people and all but I just sorta thought being chosen would entitle us to some more fun and games than Seders, fasts and a week eating matza…