I have joined the world of people way too involved with all the many details that comprise my children’s lives, I have become a person who defines herself based on her children, and I am at the point when people ask about me I reply with details about my kids. I’m a stay at home mom through and through.
For so long, I wanted this life. I wanted to spend my time shlepping my kids between activities. I wanted to know the intricacies of their lives in that unnatural, non-removed sorta way. And now that I’m here doing what I really wanted to be doing…I’m loving it. I’m loving it way more than I miss my career self. I’m loving it in a way that I am not at all remorseful for the choice I made to quit.
That all being said, I’m going to blog about how I feel sad today about giving up my job. Today I had lunch with my old partner. We were the dynamic duo, ready to conquer the world one script at a time. We played off each other in a very strategic way. Together our territory thrived, our manager liked us and our opportunities kept growing.
Since I’ve left there have been changes to my company. The position I was in might not have stayed constant, much like everything in life. To feel sad about what I left is unrealistic because who knows where I would be if I had stayed. However, I miss the person I was when I was ambitiously tackling my career. I miss the person that was multifaceted. I miss the person who had something separate from my family to talk about in a conversation.
I will always feel sad about the fact that my absence in the career force will put me on a different trajectory than I was going in. When the time comes that I go back to work, and I’m figuring that time will have to come because how else am I sending three kids to college, I’m going to be frustrated that my opportunities will be for jobs rather than a fast pace career.
I would not change my decision for the world. I have never been happier doing what I’m doing. But the further I go from that person I once was, the more unrecognizable it is for me. And the thing is that I liked that girl. And meeting with my old partner reminds me of all these things. But there’s no way I’d be happy not being with my kids in the capacity I am. And that’s worth WAY more to me. So I think I’m just gonna suck it up and feel sad for a little.