I have joined the world of people way too involved with all the many details that comprise my children’s lives, I have become a person who defines herself based on her children, and I am at the point when people ask about me I reply with details about my kids. I’m a stay at home mom through and through.
For so long, I wanted this life. I wanted to spend my time shlepping my kids between activities. I wanted to know the intricacies of their lives in that unnatural, non-removed sorta way. And now that I’m here doing what I really wanted to be doing…I’m loving it. I’m loving it way more than I miss my career self. I’m loving it in a way that I am not at all remorseful for the choice I made to quit.
That all being said, I’m going to blog about how I feel sad today about giving up my job. Today I had lunch with my old partner. We were the dynamic duo, ready to conquer the world one script at a time. We played off each other in a very strategic way. Together our territory thrived, our manager liked us and our opportunities kept growing.
Since I’ve left there have been changes to my company. The position I was in might not have stayed constant, much like everything in life. To feel sad about what I left is unrealistic because who knows where I would be if I had stayed. However, I miss the person I was when I was ambitiously tackling my career. I miss the person that was multifaceted. I miss the person who had something separate from my family to talk about in a conversation.
I will always feel sad about the fact that my absence in the career force will put me on a different trajectory than I was going in. When the time comes that I go back to work, and I’m figuring that time will have to come because how else am I sending three kids to college, I’m going to be frustrated that my opportunities will be for jobs rather than a fast pace career.
I would not change my decision for the world. I have never been happier doing what I’m doing. But the further I go from that person I once was, the more unrecognizable it is for me. And the thing is that I liked that girl. And meeting with my old partner reminds me of all these things. But there’s no way I’d be happy not being with my kids in the capacity I am. And that’s worth WAY more to me. So I think I’m just gonna suck it up and feel sad for a little.
I can totally understand. Whenever you get to feeling like that, try to remember the other side of it. The long days, the time away from kids, never feeling like there is enough time in the day,and the stress. The one I hate the most though is constantly feeling like you are never doing either job 100%. That is what I go through every day in my ‘fast paced career’. Not to say SAHMs don’t have some of those things, but just in a different way. I think as working Moms or stay at home Moms, we will always miss a part of the other side. Even as a working Mom though, I find that when people ask me how I am I still reply with something related to my kid 🙂
It really is a predicament. You are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. We just have to do what we feel is right in our “gut” and not look back. Easier said than done sometimes…
Lisa @bitesforbabies recently posted..Bye-Bye “Bottomless Pit!”