Moody Mary

After three nights of little to no sleep due to this cold/allergy thing I have going on, I was less than thrilled to open my sleep deprived eyes to discover a rainy, gloomy day. It was one of those days were I NEED to call in sick and stay in bed all day watching movies. When you are a stay at home mom, there’s no one to call in sick to. You have to step into your wild, insane work day from sun up to sun down. And this lot in life, is one that I actually dreamed of having. So although I have no right to complain…I’m gonna.

I grumpily managed to shower, get clothes on and get the kids going. Needless to say, I was even more less enthusiastic when Drew started the day off with two temper tantrums than normal. I was able to maintain a less emotional attachment to these tantrums because I was downright grumpy and had no patience. As my nostrils absorbed the delightful coffee smell that permeated the air thanks to my wonderful husband, I realized what me being grumpy really meant to our family.

So frequently in the last (almost) four years of motherhood I have reacted to life in the normal person’s non-introspective kinda way. I’ve gotten mad when something didn’t go according to plan. I’ve become frustrated when hiccups presented. And very infrequently have I thought of the impact that my behavior or mood plays on my children. Infants and toddlers make it so obvious that the world is all about them, how in my normally introspective state am I just realizing that absolutely every mood I have (good or bad) impacts them?

Now these little leeches are not only taking away my sick day but also my bad mood! I can’t even get away with being grumpy because now I have guilt on the impact this mood will play on Drew’s school day and Gabby’s “Mommy time.” Who do these little people that never asked to be born but have taken over every part of my being think they are?!?!?

In efforts to improve my spirits, I did my most favorite activity…went shopping. The plan was that I was going to get things for me because after all I deserve it on my non-sick, non-grumpy day. Bags and bags full of kids’ clothes later, I realize that I must surrender. By birthing these crazy kids, I have given up a large portion of myself. And not in that sad, you’re a stay at home mom with no life sorta way. I have pledged to dedicate myself to them. The insane part is that I’m actually deep down inside happy to do it. And suddenly instead of the grumpy girl curled up in bed watching the best of Lifetime movies, I’m the smiling girl running around the play area of the mall with the greatest little girl in the world.