Walk the Line

For so long I have thought that my job adds an element of chaos to my life that was expendable. I thought if I didn’t have to work, my life would be so much easier. Yesterday the kids’ school was closed for a teacher institute day. I took off to spend the day with my little rugrats. I had a busy day of library, doctor, lunch with Dad, and naps planned. Unbelievably the day went so smoothly. I kept Drew on a very short “leash” and he was extremely well behaved. He followed instructions, stayed close to me and was my little buddy. Gabby was an angel, slept while I played with Drew, played with her big brother and was a happy little baby. We made it through the day’s events with minimal conflict. At the end of the day, though, I was exhausted. Adam came home just in the nick of time. By the time the kids finally went to sleep, I didn’t have much left. So frequently I have thought that the stress I have in my life is managing kids with work. Yesterday I took work out of the equation and there was still stress in my life. I realized that the stress is my children. It is difficult juggling work and kids but balancing kids alone is like walking a tight rope. It’s a delicate balance between structure, handling potential conflicts, entertaining, and satisfying all the basic needs for my kids. And although it’s exhausting and stressful, the only way to rid myself of the stress is for my kids to get older and more self sufficient. Well I clearly don’t want to wish away their lives. I want them to stay babies that need their mommy. Not forever, of course, but I’m not ready for them to be self sufficient grown teenagers or adults. Someday I’m going to long for these years and only remember the cute, endearing qualities not the craziness. So, although I’ve said this before, I’m going to really try and focus on the best parts of having needy, exhausting, stressful little babies that fill up every day with chaos. I’m going to embrace the chaos because I only get the fortune of having it for a very short while.