In Need of Floaties

October 13, 2010

My Sunday night fortune read something like…a routine may give you the structure you need, yet the structure may leave you exhausted. I’m not sure that was a fortune or just a truth. Going back to work has had some positives. For one, we are getting into a groove of being a four-person family. I am back to preparing dinners, having set laundry days and bedtime rituals are in full force. However, from the minute we wake up very early in the morning until the very last minute we are up late at night we are running and doing with no avail. I no longer am a human being who has needs and wants, rather a machine who is on the fast track to getting as much done in as little time as possible. Even if I have a spare second of downtime, I’m strategizing on how to handle the next segment of time in the most clear and concise manner. And as the leaves quickly fall from the trees, the days of the week are flying by in a similar fashion. Each day I survive I feel an extreme success over conquering the days challenges. Yet I can’t help but feel sad for how fast the weeks fly by. With each passing moment my beautiful children are growing older and I’m treading water to survive the days events. Someone once told me to remember that the days are long and the years are short. I’m trying desperately to hold onto every day, yet speed through every debilitating hurdle thrown in my path. It’s a catch 22. How do I enjoy every second when I’m barely surviving? Through these long, rushed, frantic days we are becoming a more cohesive family. Drew is getting more accustomed to Gabriela, even though she is taking up more space laughing and playing more than she ever has. Adam and I are managing better juggling the different needs of our children. And I am learning, yet again, how I will never come to terms with the guilt of being a working mother. As Labor Day turns into Halloween, with Thanksgiving around the corner and jumping right into Christmas, I’m going to tread lighter each day and hope that I don’t end up drowning in my sea of chaos.

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