Mommy-hood

October 16, 2009

Recently I have had the opportunity to hang out with a few different mothers. First, I went to a baby shower with a few first-time mothers. Then, I went to a playgroup with some of Drew’s classmates. In both situations I felt like I was playing a mom with a bunch of real moms. One would think after 16 months of taking care of Drew I would have an idea, a grasp, a handle on what it takes to be a mother. After all, I feed him, I bathe him, I put him to bed. I even have an idea when he is getting sick and how to take care of those types of things. However amongst these groups of mothers, I still feel like a kid that can’t figure out what she should be doing. In one instance, some of the other mothers had another child. I thought maybe if I were balancing two children I would look more like a real mom. Yet when I was with the first-time mothers, they seemed to be more natural with the whole mom thing. What will it take for me to feel like I’m really rearing a child? I guess I ultimately can’t believe I’m really even at this point in my life. I thought I would always stay that 15-year-old child on the brink of everything exciting in life but stuck without my license. Or I would be that twenty year old on the edge of adulthood just missing one minor detail to be able to fully embrace life. Now years have passed and I essentially have it all and something still doesn’t feel right. Are there a certain number of diapers you need to change to be a card caring member of parenthood? Once your child gets to a certain age do you get inducted into a parent society? Maybe it’s just one of those things you have to fake it until you feel it. Either way when I walked in the door tonight and Drew heard my voice and started screaming “Mama,” my heart swelled in the way only a mother’s could.

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