Keeping Marriage Alive

July 6, 2012

I recently read this blog (special thanks to FB friend for re-posting). The jist of the blog is how very important the spousal relationship is while parenting and the need to tend to it even if it means getting a babysitter and doing your own thing.

I absolutely agree with that, however, my life and my approach is totally different. Maybe I’m cheap or poor…probably more like lazy because we seem to have plenty of volunteers but we rarely get babysitters. When we do, it’s usually for an opportunity to hang with our friends, a function or a double date. We rarely have date night. But when we do…it’s amazing. It’s a special occasion, butterflies in your stomach type of outing. I don’t know why we don’t do it more often but because we don’t it keeps it really special.

That doesn’t by any means mean that we don’t exercise the same sort of efforts that this author speaks of. Our way, though, is (at the risk of sounding judgmental which I don’t mean to at all) more organic. Every night I have this rush to put the kids to sleep (unfortunately my rush is more urgent than Adam’s who has been away from them all day) for “Mommy and Daddy” time. This special time comes at the loss of many of my favorite shows, much of my networking with other bloggers and keeping in touch with friends. Adam and I find a way most every day to put aside time to connect. And when we don’t or are unable, I don’t feel right.

Adam and I so frequently marvel in the fact that our life is so ridiculously crazed but we could never survive it if we didn’t have each other to go through it with. As a result of that, my most favorite times with my kids is when Adam is there too. I am able to enjoy them and relax with them in a way I am unable to without Adam to share it (the fun and the burden). And in some ways I feel like we are even able to find that “Mommy and Daddy” connection even when we are on a family outing. It’s a warmth, comradery of having him alongside me for the ride.

Thirteen years ago I met Adam. He was completely different than he is today, as am I. And back then it was all about us. Nowadays its about a whole heck of a lot more. Even though we don’t have specific time set aside to celebrate and work on just us, I still think our ability to reconnect each and every day in subtle ways is how we exist through it all. I welcome a chance to have a night alone but since its few and far between, I’m glad we find ways to work on our relationship and keep us going through all the madness.

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